Friday, February 19, 2010
And another one bites the dust...
Last night following through with my weeknightly ritual of getting in my pj's and getting into bed and watching Sex and The City episodes Carrie stated the quote "Can you get to your future if your past is present?" (This is the nail on head for me as I cant get to my future because my past is present! I have realised this, but for some reason cant seem to do anything about it)
So I decided I am going back to the 'PERSONAL HELP' section of my books and am going to get back into reading 'He's Just Not That Into You' and 'Its Called A Breakup Because Its Broken'. (Of course after I finish reading the Gossip Girl sequel...that is more important than letting my self get so low I will be hanging from the shower curtain...joking!!!! I hope)
These 2 books I go back to when I am having down, sad and heartbroken lonely days, so say what, this will be like the 94824908th time already in my life.
When I first had my heart broken by my first love (obviously) at 15, I went straight out and bought this book. I would read Greg Behrendt's original book 'It's Called A Breakup Because It's Broken' whilst working at a popcorn shop at my local shopping centre (yes unfortunately life still has to go on and I had to continue going to work). Although, the heartbreaker ex bf would come and make my life a living hell whilst working, walking past on his own and ignoring me, walking by with his new gf, get his friends to throw m & m's at me from the top level....OK stop I am going to cry!!! AND SO ANYWAY - one day when I had gone to the bathroom and left the popcorn stall unattended the ex had lent over the counter and got my 'It's Called A Breakup Because It's Broken' book, and written on the back page a little note to myself stating "I LOVE YOU LARISSA, LOVE ALWAYS _______ (name undisclosed)". I didnt realise this until months later when I picked up the book again to read whilst thinking of him. So I will forever have this messed up message in the back of my break up book to just confuse me over everything the book states. And another one bites the dust....
So here's some quotes from the book 'He's Just Not That Into You' to add to the spice of my negative mood today. If only I could listen to everything they say.
Cut your losses and don't waste your time . Why stay in some weird dating limbo when you can move on to what will surely be better territory? Don't want to hear it? Fine. Here's the answer you're looking for, "Hang in there, baby. He's not the loser everybody's telling you he is. If you wait and keep your mouth shut and call at exactly the right time and anticipate his moods and have no expectations about communication or your own sexual needs, you can have him!" But please don't be surprised if he dumps you or continues to drag you through a completely unsatisfying relationship.
He is a man made up entirely of your excuses. And the minute you stop making excuses for him, he will completely disappear from your life.
Men, for the most part, like to pursue women. We (men) like not knowing if we can catch you. We feel rewarded when we do.
Don't let the "honeys" and the "babys" fool you. His sweet nothings are exactly that. They are much easier to say than "I'm just not that into you." Remember, actions speak louder than, "There's no cell reception where I am right now."
Calling when you say you're going to call is the very first brick in the house you are building of love and trust. If he can't lay this one stupid brick down, you ain't never gonna have a house, baby. And it's cold outside.
He will always be able to play the "friend" card on you. He only has to be responsible for the expectations of a friend, rather than the the far greater expectations of a boyfriend. He's got the ultimate situation: a great friend with all the benefits of a girlfriend, whom he can see or not see whenever he wants to. He may be one of your closest friends, but I'm sorry to say ... as a boyfriend, he's just not that into you.
I don't want to be "sort of dating" someone. I don't want to be "kinda hanging out" with someone. I don't want to spend a lot of energy suppressing my feelings so I appear uninvolved. I want to be involved. I want to be sleeping with someone I know I'll see again because they've already demonstarted to me that they're trustworthy and honorable -- and into me.
Don't be flattered that he misses you. He should miss you. You're deeply missable. However, he's still the same person who just broke up with you. Remember, the only reason he can miss you is because he's choosing, every day, not to be with you.
It's very tempting when you really want to be with someone to settle for much, much less -- even a vague pathetic facsimile of less -- than you would have ever imagined. Remember always what you set out to get and please don't settle for less. These guys exist because there are a lot of women out there who allow them to.
Hey girl. Put down the penis, put your clothes back on, and go directly to your best friend's house. Do not find an excuse to stay. Do not think that because of all the crazy hotness of it all, it now means that you're meant to be together. Yes, break up sex does seem like a good idea, because hey, it's nice to have sex with someone you have these dramatic feelings about. It makes it all, well, dramatic. But now you know. It confuses everything and makes you separate sex and emotions. So now you don't ever have to make that mistake again. Got it? He's into the very-bad-idea-that-masquerades-as-a-good-idea, breakup sex. Over and out.
He's sniffing for something better, and when he doesn't find it, he gets lonely and comes "home." It's not that he's so into you. It's that he's so not into being alone. Don't give him the chance to break up with you for the fourth time. (Even the idea of it sounds beneath you, doesn't it?) Reset your breakup maximum to one and move on.
Cut him off. Let him miss you.
He doesn't need to be reminded that you're great.
There's a guy out there who's going to be really happy that you didn't get back together with your crappy ex-boyfriend.
No matter how powerful and real your feelings may be for someone, if that person cannot fully and honestly return them and therefore actively love you back, these feelings mean nothing.
Being lonely ... being alone ... for many people ... sucks. I get it, I get it, I get it. But still I have to say that yes, my belief is that being with somebody who makes you feel shitty or doesn't honor the person you are is worse.
Life is hard enough as it is without choosing someone difficult to share it with.
You deserve to be with someone who is nice to you all the time.